Dignity, Responsibility, Respect

Standing at a sink full of dirty dishes, my back complaining as usual, my mind wanders off to that assisted living home where my sister lives. I’ve been making meals and keeping house for over 50 years. I’d love to live somewhere that I didn’t have to cook or clean! Or would I?

I no longer work out and I have less and less to do with regard to our flock of sheep. Guess you could say I’m retired. But I still have to get up in the morning, make coffee, get the fire going, make breakfast, wash dishes, make the bed, vacuum, wash and put away clothes, tidy up, dust, water plants, feed the birds, prepare a dish for Saturday’s potluck supper, plant the garden (tend, harvest, can and freeze), harvest apples and raspberries, make wine, can preserves, bake bread or goodies, make supper, grocery shop, pay bills, indulge in my writing hobby, play music with our friends, read, binge on a TV series, visit with folks, help out a neighbour, let the dog out, let the dog in, let the dog out, let the dog in… You get the picture. I may have slowed down some, but I’m busy. I have responsibilities to my family, to myself, to birds, lambs and dogs. There are things others depend on me to do. I may at times begrudge my responsibilities, but I can also take a certain amount of pride in the fact that I “get er done”, sometimes when I really don’t feel like doing so.

When I enter a senior care home most of the above disappears from my daily roster. I have only to look after my personal hygiene, with assistance if needed, show up for meals and chosen activities, and slowly but surely become numbingly bored with living. No one depends on me for anything. Yes, I’m there because I can no longer care for myself. I am physically and/or mentally diminished. My family cannot provide a place for me, or maybe they tried but my care became too overwhelming for them. But I’m not dead. I am a member of the human race and I am now a member of a new community. This community provides for my physical needs and most do try to provide a certain amount of mental stimulation. Family or friends visit occasionally and I’m glad they do. Sometimes I forget they came but I always enjoy the break in monotony they provide, the reminder that they still remember me. Otherwise one day is much like the next.

So, what’s wrong with our homes for the elderly? Activities and entertainment are great, but still there’s something missing. What do residents need that is lacking? I think people need to be needed. They need something to be proud of, chores to do. In our senior homes no one expects us to do anything. No one depends on us for anything. Caregivers do everything we used to do. We have no responsibilities, no resultant respect. Our dignity takes a huge hit.

Elder homes are communities of people who are bound by diminished physical and/or mental capacity. They may be wheelchair bound. They may need a lot of help in a lot of ways. But there must be something that they can do to  benefit their community. These things may be simple. These things could probably be done faster and better by staff. Staff may need to remind, to assist (and sometimes surreptitiously do over). But it is my feeling that the main job of staff in a care home is to assist while maintaining dignity. If dignity means less efficiency here and there, then less efficiency is better.

If homes for the elderly were more like communes, with each and every person taking some small responsibility (assisted if necessary) to maintain the home, I think seniors would feel less discarded. Dignity would be restored because they are needed, engaged. Residents should be expected to perform their duties or find someone to take over if they cannot. Maybe this seems contrived. Maybe some seniors would resent the whole idea. I guess they could opt out. But over time I have a feeling many would prefer to participate as active, rather than passive, community members.

I’m sure those who spend their days in the care of the elderly, while keeping in mind their residents’ differing levels of ability and temperaments, could ferret out many chores seniors could accomplish in their specific situations. Dignity and respect are always of the utmost importance. Until we hit that vegetable stage (and I have my opinions about that too), I think we crave responsibility as well. 

Maybe a job done less perfectly by someone 

who needs to be needed is a job better done.

         Here’s a bit of an idea list of simple jobs that could be done by seniors of differing abilities. Job “ownership” could be avoided by switching monthly. Every community will have different possibilities. 

Community:

Fold napkins

Put napkins out on the tables before a meal 

Put cutlery on the tables

Wipe down tables after meals

There’s a tech savvy generation of us coming up. We could use these or skills to make daily activity lists and post them 

Make posters for upcoming events

Introduce speakers and entertainers

Deliver packaged snacks after an activity

Brush the house dog (There needs to be a house dog - usually belonging to a staff member who takes him home at night.)

Distribute and tidy magazines in common areas

Bake cookies (under supervision, can be a group effort), offer to residents

Choose music style or TV series for common area

Make table centrepieces (holidays especially)

Circulate birthday and/or get well cards for signing by residents

Have a raised bed garden which also provides a pleasant place to walk, stroll or wheel around. Those who can and want to can weed, tend, and water. The produce could be enjoyed by residents or given to shelters.

Tend specified indoor plant(s) in common areas

Self:

Tidy and clean bathroom vanity, wash sink

Make bed

Fold laundry, put laundry away