Memory Lane

This short story is a piece of fiction I wrote many years ago, no real people, no real situations. MLT

     We'd missed Lester's birthday party.  His son and daughter-in-law had invited the whole community to join in a potluck supper at the hall on a Saturday evening in April, celebrating his 85th year of life.  But for us April means only one thing - lambing.  Lambing morning, afternoon, evening, suppertime, midnight.  Just lambing.  A sort of intensive, focussed time of year.  So, when May came along and things settled down we piled into our old pick-up and steered our way to Lester's door.  His son Willie and Willie's wife, Fran, looked up and waved from their garden, looking a little puzzled as we rolled on by to Lester's tiny Grandpa house nestled in behind their trailer.

     "Well, hello!" said Lester.  "Come on in, come on in.  I was just watching a Blue Jay's game on TV.  They're losing," he said, "don't know who they're playing anyhow." He flicked the remote and the TV blinked off.  "Have a seat," he said, "make yourself comfortable."

     I sat down next to a shelf shared equally by dozens of family photographs and a thick layer of dust.  On my left was a tall glassed in china cabinet, also full to the brim with photos.  "Holy cow", I said, "you must have a pretty big family, Lester!"  My eyes fell on a sepia tinted photo of three young boys.  "Is one of the kids in this old picture you?"

     "Yep," he said, "that's me in the middle there.  This here fellow's my little brother James and the other one's my older brother Martin."  We then spent some time looking over the other photos, his whole family history stepping out of the frames.  "Gee, I'm sorry," he said, "but I can't seem to remember your names."

     "That's David and I'm Jennifer.  Morrison," I said.  "We live just up the way, on the old Johnson place.  We brought you a little birthday gift."

     "Well, thanks a lot," he said.  "I can't quite remember how old I am, more'n 80 I'd say.  My birthday's comin' up in just a few days I guess. I'm thinkin' Willie and Fran are gonna have a birthday party for me; you should come. Would you like some tea?"

     He moved into the kitchen and put on the kettle, started looking every which way for the tea.  "There's some instant coffee here on the table," I said.  "That'd be fine with me.  How about you, David?"  We all agreed that coffee would be just as good as tea.  I noticed an exercise bike in the corner and pointing to it I asked, "Do you ride on that thing?"

     "Used to," Lester said, "in the winter.  Not so much any more.  I walk a lot though... You know, I've forgotten your names again."

     "David and Jennifer Morrison," I said.  "We live just up the way about ten miles or so, on the old Johnson place right on the edge of the river.  You told us you used to ice skate there when you were a kid, years ago before we ever came to this country.  Lots of folks did. Cleaned the snow off the ice on the back eddy every winter, even had an old gramophone for music."

     "Oh, yeah, I remember now - you live on the old Johnson place.  We used to skate there every winter."

     Conversation rolled around to old times.  Lester had helped his father on the homestead, inherited it when his brothers moved off to Edmonton. He and his wife Naomi raised 5 kids on the farm. One by one the kids moved away, married, had kids of their own.  But the oldest son, William, had stayed on.  Together they worked the farm in partnership for many years.  Lester never really retired, just slowed down after Naomi passed till he finally came to a halt and handed over the reins. Winter's he worked at the local sawmills.  "You know," he said, "I remember my old friend Sten. He was a canter; I tailed the saw.  Sten always used to say, 'Life's a trial and a strain from beginning to the end, so tip your glass and say your prayers and NEVER cheat a friend!' "

     "Do you mean Sten Larson?" asked David.  "I remember him.  He was quite a colourful fellow.  I met him when we first came to this country.  I went around looking at all sorts of log structures before I started building my house.  He built some incredible log buildings, dovetail corners.  There's one old shed still standing just down river from us.  He was a fine log builder."

     The tea kettle set up a wail, Lester started looking for the tea pot and the tea once again.  I said, "Don't worry about the tea, Lester. We can just have some of this instant coffee here on the table; just as good."

     "Yeah, just as good," he said.  Lester got out some cups and a spoon, asked if we wanted milk and sugar, poured the water into each cup and sat down again.  We brought the conversation back to Sten Larson.  "Sten sure was a fine log builder," Lester mused.  "There's an old building of his still standing not far from here. Dovetail corners, he was a real craftsman; died some time back, about ten years ago, I think. Good friend, Sten was.  I remember he always used to say 'Life's a trial and a strain from beginning to the end, so tip your glass and say your prayers and NEVER cheat a friend!' "

     "Well, I think we'd better let Lester get back to his ball game," I said.  "I left a roast in the oven and I don't want it getting burnt to a crisp.  It sure was nice to visit with you Lester, you should stop in at our place some time."     

     "I'll do that,"he said.  "Where did you say you live?"

The Budget

  

 So Albertans are expected to see the new provincial budget as a fair solution to our fiscal problems. Whoopie! Every single Albertan will proudly and happily bear the burden of years and years of mismanagement by the Conservative dynasty. Really?!!

     The return of health care premiums, well, maybe that would have been felt more softly if the premiums had never been lifted in the first place. The health services that were cut when the premiums were stopped, chiropractic, physio, will they be brought back?  (Hahahahaha.)

     "Sin taxes" on booze and cigarettes?  If you are into either of these "sins" I guess you'll have to suck it up and pay more.  Myself, I think I'll add a third or fourth batch of wine to my autumn workload, maybe start making beer too (because I am admittedly sinful), and I quit smoking when the price of a smoke went to the unbelievable price of $2.50 a pack (smiley face inserted here). Has the government ever considered what would happen if people didn't drink or smoke?  They already get gobs of revenue from these products.  Everyone has a tipping point, a place where they say that's it, no more.  It's a bit of an oxymoron. We are bombarded with ads for products to help us quit smoking.  We are shunted outside into the hinterlands in order to light up.  We are fined if we pollute our children by smoking in a car.  Our bars and restaurants have taken a hit due to the low tolerance for drinking and driving.  Not that these are bad policies but what happens when success is achieved? When everyone becomes saintly?  What will they tax then to make up for the shortfall?  Hmmmm.  You "sin", you pay, but please, please, accept shunning but do not stop sinning!

     The additional tax on fuel - just try to avoid that little bomb from blowing up your household budget.  Alberta is a big place.  If you work, you drive.  If you shop, you drive.  If you farm, you drive.  If you conduct business of any kind, you drive.  If you visit friends, you drive.  If you see a doctor, you drive.  If you have propane, diesel or gas delivered to your farm, it's driven to you. If you order a pizza, someone delivers it. If you attend a sports event or concert, you drive.  If you don't walk, bike or drive your own car you take public transport or a cab. You get my drift here...   On top of that every product you need or wish for arrives to its selling point by truck. Your mail and your parcels (on-line purchases) arrive by truck.  There's almost no corner of life that will not be touched by this increased fuel tax.  It will bit by bit eek up the price of virtually everything, necessities and luxuries alike.

     Thank you Mr. Premier for "solving" Alberta's fiscal problems.  People on fixed incomes, people whose jobs have been lost or cut back due to the current oil price crisis, people on low incomes, people like you with high incomes, all people will pay and pay and pay some more. And corporations, the non-people, will they be hit?  Well sure, they're in business and they too will be affected by higher fuel prices.  But they can pass it on.  Everyone who can pass it on will pass it on until it hits those who have no way to pass it on. Guess who that is...?!

A Family Solution to a Human Problem

Introduction 2015:

     More than 15 years ago our family was forced by circumstance to come to a decision point.  My husband's mother had become too frail to live alone any longer (Dad passed on many years previous) and something had to be done.  Our situation was a bit unique in that Mom was a U.S. citizen and we are naturalized Canadians.  Assisted care and Nursing Homes in Canada were not an option.  Elder care places in the States were very expensive and not that impressive.  So our solution was home-care, 6 months in Canada with us, 6 months in the States with my husband's sister.  This was a viable (and acceptable to Mom) solution for several years until Mom's dementia took a toll on both our families.

     Many of my friends have now come to this point in their lives and are dealing with similar issues.  Some, whose parents needs are minimal, have arranged for home-care services.  Others have parents residing in assisted living facilities.  The parents either chose to do this or a crisis point was reached and a place had to be found. (The process of finding an available, affordable, and satisfactory care-home for a parent can be daunting in itself.)  Assisted living facilities, which graduate to meet the changing needs of residents, are a common and probably less stressful solution for both generations.  I clearly remember how important it was to Mom that she was not a burden, how often we had to reassure her on this point. It is likely that care-homes alleviate these feelings but other emotions may come into play - abandonment, loneliness, helplessness, loss of independence, confusion...  A care-home in a small town, where Mom or Dad already know many of the residents, is, in my opinion, a better place than a care-home in a large city centre.  Unless your parent is gregarious and makes friends easily, unless the staff is sufficient in number and has empathy for the residents, they can end up lonely in a crowd.  But we do what we can do, choices are often quite limited.

     When parents are in care-homes, hopefully at least one sibling lives nearby and can visit often as well as advocate should the need arise.  This sibling will be depended on, by parents and other siblings as well, and resentment for the role thrust upon them can crop up.  In some cases the sibling with the more nurturing nature, often a sister rather than a brother, is leaned on even when it is more difficult for them to "be there" for their parent. Some people's natures make them raise their hands and say, "Sorry, I just can't deal with it!" and responsibility by default lands in another sibling's lap. Siblings who live at a distance and cannot be in frequent contact are faced with different issues, both emotional and practical (feelings of loss, helplessness, guilt due to an inability to share responsibility; financial, time and travel constraints).  Some people have no siblings and no choice. Every family must come up with its own solution but shared or delegated, responsibility needs to be allocated.

     Watching the slow deterioration of our parents physical and mental well-being, advocating for them, being there when you are needed, is a ride on an emotional roller coaster.  One day all is well, the next day it all falls apart.  The grieving process mentioned in this article is no less for those whose parents dwell in assisted living facilities than it is for those caring for a parent in their own home.  And, although our conscious mind tends to bury the thought, we all realize that someday ... someone ... somewhere ... we too will be in the same situation as our parents are in now.  That is a scary thought.  We think we can plan, can avoid the dependence of old age, but no one knows what their future will bring.

A Family Solution to a Human Problem

by Mary Lynn Tipton, 2001

     Many 50 plus individuals are finding themselves thrust into the position of providing care for a frail ageing parent.  Because home-care has proven to be less expensive than institutional care, and because facilities for the elderly (assisted living units, nursing homes) have growing waiting lists, there is a push being felt these days to care for these individuals at home.

     Eldercare in the home is a family solution to a human problem. While your parent's physical and mental health is still fairly good, you may take comfort in the knowledge that you are providing a secure and loving home for him (or her) while solving problems relating to security, transportation, forgetfulness and loneliness.  You and your parent may develop a rewarding relationship as adults, based on sincere friendship; and your parent may appreciate your support.

     But no solution is ever perfect.  As your parent's physical and mental condition worsens, the role of caregiver can become exceedingly restrictive. Living with an elderly person can put a severe strain on your emotions, your privacy,  your time, and your other family members.

     Providing a safe environment for a person with physical infirmities requires thought and research.  Physical aids, as loaners from your local health services or as direct purchases, and a great deal of common sense combined with sensitivity to the individual disabilities of your parent can help you elder-proof your home.  Grab bars in showers, tub transfer seats, commodes, grab bars attached to beds, elimination of throw rugs, lifts, wide steps or ramps, good lighting, adult incontinency supplies and separate thermostats can all be helpful in elder care.  Each situation is individual, but you may be surprised as to how many different aids are available.  

     Developing a do-able routine to ensure personal cleanliness can prove to be a touchy situation.  If the elder person is incontinent accidents do happen and odor can be a significant problem.  The dignity of the elder person must be considered and balanced against his ability to keep his own person, clothing, room and bedding clean.

     Cognitive disabilities are the greatest challenge.  Living with a conversational partner who has vascular dementia or Alzheimer's disease can bring your stress level to a point of crisis.  Dementia causes short term memory loss, lack of trust, anger, and inappropriate behaviors in social situations.  The elder person feels out of control, confused and frustrated. The caregiver's reserves of patience are strained.  Until you and your parent experience first hand the effects of short-term memory loss, you will have little understanding of how incredibly frustrating this disability can be.  Events and conversations can be forgotten almost immediately.  Constant repetition becomes the norm and hurt feelings are common.  (A point to remember - when mental capacity begins to decrease it is wise to obtain power of attorney in matters of health and finance.)  

     Living with a frail elderly person can put you on an emotional roller coaster.  Nothing is static or predictable. Every time things seem to stabilize something new crops up.  Frailty, chronic illness, and dementia initiate the grieving process (denial, bargaining, blaming, anger, depression and acceptance).  You lose your parent a piece at a time; witness his slow deterioration; watch while his personality and physical well being goes through so much change that he almost becomes a new person, sometimes a person you don't particularly like. With each setback you may find yourself starting this grieving process anew.  Grieving is a normal, intense emotion.  Until the finality of death it cannot be resolved.  

     You will be amazed at the inner strength you are able to summon as each change in your parent's condition occurs.  But feelings of isolation, because others, often unconsciously, may allow you to bear the burden of care on your own, can cause serious problems.  Do not allow yourself to become a martyr.  Get help when you need it.  Your own health depends on it.

     There are numerous books a caregiver can read, books written by people who know what you are going through.  One such book is "Mother, I'm Doing the Best That I Can"* by Len Fabiano.  A few stress relieving suggestions from Mr. Fabiano's book are: 1) join a support group, 2) find a confidant with whom you can share your emotional reactions, 3) become informed by reading and asking questions, 4) take time for yourself, and 5) make use of respite care.

     Following any or all of these suggestions will ease your stress for a time.  As your parent's condition deteriorates you must learn to assess your stress level and, as the need arises, ask for the help and support of others.  The most effective stress reliever of all, in my opinion, is respite care.  Taking a break from your routine by having a home-care worker come to your home or by taking your parent to an adult day care program can make a nearly impossible situation tolerable.

     The decision to care for your parent at home should be made with your eyes and your heart wide open.  Personality and lifestyle conflicts, finances, availability of other options, and the wishes of your parent balanced against an honest assessment of his mental and physical abilities and disabilities must be considered.  Home-care may be the best solution, but it could be temporary.  The time may come when you must pass on the duties of care to a nursing home.  You, as the primary caregiver, will know when and if this option must be considered.

___________________________________________________________

     *Fabiano, Len (1991).  "Mother, I'm Doing the Best That I Can.  Seagrave, Ontario: Education and Consulting Service (ECS).    

50 Cents a Can!

    Okay, I admit it, I succumbed - to a Brand, to a childhood memory, to a good price. 50 cents for a can of Brand Name chicken noodle, vegetable or mushroom soup. Wow! Can't do better than that!  Or can we?

     Wandering in Wally World and there they were.  I always have mushroom soup on hand; it's an essential addition to many recipes I use. And chicken noodle, my mouth began to salivate as childhood memories of my favourite soup stimulated my programmed brain.  Vegetable soup, well maybe I could use it as a base for something else and isn't there supposed to be a full serving of vegetables in that can? Could make a lunch of it...

     Turns out my memory of chicken noodle was better than the soup.  Mushroom is good as a soup if you add more mushrooms so you can see and taste them, and, like I mentioned before, it's a good base. But vegetable, hmmm, not so great.  I tried a can all for myself, had to get that full serving of vegies after all, added only half the water, and well, I can't say I was impressed.  Somehow it just didn't add up - taste-wise or even sale priced-wise.  So glad I only bought a few cans and not a whole flat of 24!

     Has canned soup changed or have I?  It's gotten pretty expensive when you consider the ingredients.  It's still a quick easy lunch but so is homemade soup if you make a big pot and freeze (or can) the leftovers.  And with the homemade soup there's two things canned soup doesn't have - flavour and ingredients you can see and taste. There are a few good canned soups out there, usually over $2 a can and you do not add water - split pea and clam chowder come to mind - but I think in the future I'll save my pantry space for something worth more than the can that holds it.

     After that vegie soup lunch I just had to determine if the "full serving of vegetables" statement was true so I carefully separated the ingredients and yes, it's not a lie. But it's more potato than anything, with a large dollop of alphabet noodles.  Do you think this soup is worth the sale price of 50 cents?

Left to right, top row - potatoes, 1/2 cup alphabet noodles, peas

bottom row - carrots, beans, corn

Note:  vegies aren't piled up.  They're in a single layer.

Meals by Mable

Another feast with a chunk of meat

A cob of corn and taters

Rounded off with some garden greens

And a rhubarb cobbler later.

No king, no queen, no movie star

Could set a better table

Cause store bought food is just plain crude

Compared to meals by Mable.

Exercism

Exercism

Could be stress, lack of rest,

Could be boredom, just no zest,

Could be tilting up the jug,

Could be couch potato bug!

Something's wrong, brain is hazy,

Lord, I'm feeling mighty lazy.

Doctor said I should go walking,

Take up dancing, take up golfing,

Eat good food, watch the fat,

Exercise is where it's at!

You'll get strong, you'll get slim,

Spend an hour at the gym!

So I tried; thought I'd die;

Every muscle seemed to cry.

Balanced protein fat and carbs,

Practised Tai Chi in my yard.

Took the stairs, used hard chairs,

Guess I'm feeling pretty fair...

Exercise is where it's at

Cause it burns off all your fat,

Pumps endorphins to your brain

Eliminates your stress and pain;

Steadies all your body's rhythms

They should call it EXERCISM!