Where is Mandy?

oh where, is Mandy? 

I lost my cousin Mandy. Her email box is full. Her cell phone no longer connects. I don’t have her address. I can’t find her!

Mandy is older than me but has always been quite lively, in good shape. She’s a horticulturist and was in charge of the herbal section of a botanical garden in her city until her somewhat recent retirement. She’s a traveller too, loves Ireland. She’s my only cousin on my Mom’s side of the family.

Every year Mandy writes a long Christmas letter/greeting, catching up on her comings and goings during the year. Not this year. Mandy is missing. I even searched obits for the last year in her city and came up with nothing. I wonder, has she gone into a retirement or nursing home? Where is she? Is she okay?

This situation has hit home. What if something happened to me or my husband, or both of us. Would acquaintances/distant family know? Would they wonder what happened to us if our Christmas greeting failed to come, if my Facebook page became inactive, my blog ceased to update? Would my son know who to contact? 

I almost missed the passing of another friend, a local who moved to the city, someone who was, in times past, often in my life. I’d tried to reach out to her with a Facebook message, with no response of course. She was well over 90 so I had my suspicions. Eventually the grape vine became my informant.

It’s respectful, I believe, to keep in touch now & then, not just with friends, but with acquaintances as well, and it’s an act of kindness to make a list (and give it to someone who will act on it) of who to contact and what information to pass onto them if you are no longer able to do so. Men I have talked to on this subject say, “So what, if I’m dead, I’m dead”. And maybe that’s the level of response that would be generated in many cases. But one thing I’ve discovered over my long life - you never really know how important you are to another person, or how deeply their memories go. One thing my search for Mandy has made clear - it’s better to know. I have written a note for my son to let him know who to contact should the need arise. 

So Mandy… I went to the search engine on my email account and searched her name for past messages. Nothing is ever really gone from your computer even if you trash it. I found one from a cousin of Mandy‘s on her Dad’s side, also looking for Mandy. What I had not seen was a reply from her with a new land line phone number for Mandy. Apparently this cousin did find her. Mandy joked with her about her worries. “All is fine”, she said, “Hungarians never have emergencies”. This email was sent in early November, 2021. Today, 2 months later, I tried this new phone number. Mandy did not answer but it was her voice on the message. Hopefully she will call back. Maybe Mandy isn’t really missing…

December 31st

Mandy called, and like the Mandy of old she talked and talked some more. I got her address. We plan to keep in touch often. It was good, in a way, this wake up call. People can get lost, sometimes they lose themselves.

Cousin Mandy, me, my sister Karen & an old friend

On my uncle’s boat on Lake Erie, summer 1958